I don’t think I’ve ever truly hated myself, or anyone for that matter – though, I have most definitely tried. On this journey of reconnect, I realized that even though there were times that I found myself feeling a loss of connection with love, there has never been a moment when love has disconnected from me.. There have been times that I have been consumed by depression and/or anxiety. There have been days that I truly questioned my sanity and times when my body and mind were skewed by shame and judgment.
There were moments when I got stuck in the false reality of being alone. And in every millisecond of suffering, love has been there – falling with my tears and dancing with my pain, experiencing life within me.
My love is not a chord too short or a box too small. No matter how far I run or stray – she holds me. Love is immeasurable and limitless – a light, once shut off in my dream, but embedded as truth. She is the state of being between this moment and the next.
She does not belong to me, she embodies me. She is the space between every inhale and exhale – the blink of an eye and the flash of a light. She is not conditional – she is a choice – she is a knowing. She is me and she is everything.
My love is the shift in reality and creation of truth. I don’t believe I ever truly knew of love until I learned to love myself – which really entailed acknowledging what is and always has been in my heart. How was I to offer something to others that I didn’t know I had – or more accurately, something I didn’t know I was? My love wanted in – offering herself in every moment. I have been held by creation since the moment I chose to enter this world and it’s become evident that I am to spend my life in honor of that.
Anxiety and depression may sit with me, but they will not consume me. Different realities may dance with me but they will not become my dance. Shame and judgement may hop in and out but they are not all that I am. There is a fine line – a harmonious balance to be made with suffering. May we never forget that love lives in EVERY experience. We are it ALL and we are never alone. Every moment is sacred.
This is my journey, I honor love by the becoming of her – by allowing that which I am to be just as it is.
Happiness Needs Company 