I affirm 

  
I am not broken – that is only what I saw. Balance is the gift – I stand alone and I stand for all.

These words form my existence. 

This love clothes my spirit. 

I am whole. 

  
I see just as I saw, but different. 

No more money has come, but I’m richer. 

The days still come and go, but they are fuller. 

I know just as I knew, but more. 

The moon hasn’t changed, but it’s brighter. 

The song is sung the same, but it’s much more beautiful. 

Nothing has changed yet everything has. 

The violet eye has awakened – the color spectrum has expanded. 

The sacred breath has found its rhythm..

I celebrate life through affirmation 🌻

Love, Z #cheers

For The Sake Of Life 

  
Please, for the sake of life, don’t settle. 

Don’t hold tight to a heart that isn’t yours out of fear of being alone. 

Let them find the love that you dream about and declare yourself worthy of a dream.
Please, for the sake of love, don’t run.. 

Don’t hold your tongue. 

Don’t let them walk. 

Speak through the voice that fights to remain silent. 

Give it all – let every drop of truth surface from the hidden spaces of your heart. 

Reveal yourself. 

  
For the sake of truth, don’t surrender. 

Stand against the storm and move. 

No, it won’t be easy.. 

Your legs will get heavy, motionless, maybe even paralyzed. 

Push through. 

Crawl if you must.

Free yourself.. 
Do not waste a single breath on a life that does not belong to you. 

You were not meant for the life of ordinary. 

Be courageous.. 

The truest version of yourself is awaiting your arrival.

Get there..
Love, Z 

I am not my human..

 Dear Self,

You really need to stop trying so hard to be “better” – life isn’t about looking good.. 

You’ve been waiting for answers.. 

You’ve been searching for answers..

Seriously, you’re chasing yourself! 

Stop!

You aren’t a pre-written book. 

If the pages behind you keep you trapped, change the way you read them. 

Tell your story another way.

Choose to see it differently. 

Stop placing pre-conceived notions beyond the page you stand on. 

Stop reading into the unseen.. 

Create it!

You’ve been living like one day you’ll flip the page and all the answers will be there. 

There are no answers, you know that. 

What lies in front of you is nothing. 

There is no destiny, no purpose, and no truth that has been written for you. 

You can’t be found – you’re not lost, my dear. 

Try this..
Hear the rain hitting your tin roof as you fall asleep. 

Be sad, miss someone, and make mistakes without letting it take your power.  

Leave a part of your heart with someone, knowing you won’t get it back – be okay with that. 

Experience, fully, the first sip of your morning coffee. 

Notice the innocent tone of a child’s voice. 

Be present with the last line of a new song and the signing of a love letter. 

Life is here. Self is here. 

Let aliveness come through your experience of life, rather than your circumstances. 

Let life occur in the listening of another’s beating heart 

..in the touch of a hand that is only there to hold you. 

..in the conversation you’ve been waiting to have. 

..in the unspoken understanding and the truth that is yelled from the mountain top. 

..in the moments when you have nothing to do and nowhere to be. 

..in a gentle kiss or a mad love 

You’ve heard this all before. Listen again. 

“Self” is in the words waiting to be spoken and actions waiting to be made.

“Self” is a creation – your creation. 

Whatever “Self” you wish to be, be that! 

Speak into the knowing that you are not your human. 

You are not your body or your thoughts. 

You are not your wrong doings or right doings, broken promises or mistakes.

Everything you are is a choice to be had.  

“Today, I am not my human..

Today and everyday,

I am what I say that I am..” 

Your book belongs to no one. 

YOU belong to no one. 

Don’t let your circumstances tell you how it will be. 

Be brave. Be willing. 

Dare to flip the page and find nothing. 

Dare to write your story. 

Its just getting good.

Make it unpredictable. 

Sealed with a kiss,
– Z

  

Give. It. All

  

I keep thinking I’ve given enough
I know I haven’t. 
I know that I am tough
But I have yet to master it. 

I’ve had experiences I could name
but I know it’s just called life. 
I’ve broken free of chains 
and I’ve sat with pain and strife. 

With my feet I’ve walked far,
with my heart I’ve flown free. 
Ive talked to many stars, 
they said to put my life beside me. 

It’s simple, I know. 
To let it all go. 
But it’s hard to change rhythms 
when you’ve found one that flows. 

The wave that keep you afloat 
the one that keeps you alive. 
It also keeps you barely breathing,
fighting against the tide. 

I’d rip myself apart 
if life to you is what I gave. 
But would I sacrifice my heart
when it’s the only one to save. 

I want to give it all. 
I know I could but I have not.  
I hear the shadows call 
I know my fires getting hot. 

I need to give up.
I need to let me be. 
Emptying my broken cup, 
I pour out my identity. 

It’s time for me to roar
beyond the muted throat. 
If I can’t stand on oceans floor,
Then I guess I gotta float. 
I’m not me from before.
I’m not the me from today. 
I’ve opened many doors, 
But they all lead to the same place. 

It’s dark and its light 
and its all that’s in between. 
It’s the fall and its the flight,
it’s the you that meets the me. 

I disappear in flashes,
a brand new “I” at every turn. 
I know my soul won’t turn to ashes 
when it’s time for me to burn. 

Love, Z

Heart Speaks

  
I’ve been feeling heavy – like the more breakthroughs I have, the harder and thicker the walls are getting to tear down. When will it stop.. When will I get to the other side. Never.. Not alone anyway.

This feeling like I am getting torn in half – a half that is willing and able, taking leaps and bounds forward – and a half that is afraid and unworthy, holding tightly to comfort. 

I see what I need to do, but my legs feel paralyzed when I to to step. I know what I need to say, but my voice is muted when I go to speak. 

I’ve been in fear and I’ve been trying not to be. I’ve been feeling alone – trying hard to convince myself that’s not how I feel because I know that I’m not. 

I’ve been fighting so hard against what is there for me rather than getting present to it. 

I had a full blown breakdown yesterday. It’s been a good long while since I’ve really lost control of my emotions. It was different this time, like a conscious choice to get lost, to release, with the knowing that I’m coming back. 

I couldn’t stop it from happening – maybe I could have but I chose not to – so I just rolled into it. 

I let me breath stagger, my voice shake, and the tears fall. 

Weird sounds escaped my mouth and my body moved awkwardly. I stayed as present as I could to the voices between my ears. I let them scream and I listened from nothing. I was fully aware that the way I felt was not my truth but I let it all speak anyways. 

As random as it was, the words “just keep swimming,” from the Finding Nemo movie, kept playing in the back of my mind.   

I knew I was wasting moments – time that could have been spent doing work that would move me forward, or in service to someone else. But, fuck it – it was moments that needed to be wasted. 

If I had gone on anymore, pretending to have my shit together when I don’t, I would have undone all that I have created. I would have walked backward with the illusion that I was flying. I cannot create from a place of fear – not with an authentic intention missing from my heart.

These moments were wasted so that I could get back to myself. So that I could recreate from nothing.. I’m back.. Just to see that I never left. 

Love, Z #lettertoself 

Existing through Names

  
There are names that have been given, and names that have been chosen. I have many of both – mostly because there are many different voices that speak through me. I accept them all but have no real attachments to any. 

I was given my grandmothers name Florence (a blooming flower), at birth. She died before I was born but I hear she was courageous and feisty. Florence has always represented the voice of the future to me. One that speaks from the world of certainty and commitment – the elder. I haven’t really heard her speak much until recently. 

My eldest sister, Brooke, who was 13 at the time, chose the name Michaela for me, which means, “a woman of god[dess].” Ironically, she was the medicine woman in one of her favorite shows that she watched at the time of my birth. Michaela is voice of a healer and mother. She speaks from the world of compassion. 

  Mickey came from being 7lbs, 7oz, and born on the 7th month. My dad was a huge Yankees fan – Mantle. This name has always represented, to me, my more playful and child-like voice. The bright-side. She speaks from the world of innocence and play. The aunt, the little sister, and the friend. 

I chose Zena because it was a name given to me by someone I trusted very much. Her voice is strong and alive and she holds the energy of protection. It’s the me that exists in in the worlds of survival, independent discernment, and intuition. She is the voice of reason. 

I chose to sign my letters and notes, “Love, ‘Z'” because Z, to me, represents the end of language. It’s the me that lies between language and silence. The voice that allows the words to come into existence from the place of nothing. She’s speaks from a space of truth but claims none 
  

I chose Siren, a title given to me by multiple people throughout my journey, because it holds the mysterious and mystical self. The muse. The unreasonable. The voice of passion. She comes from the world of sensuality, movement, and creation. My friend, my shadow. The one that flows. 

Every name is an intention, spoken again and again into the world. I could fully embody any of them, and maybe one day I will, but to me, that’s like storing all your money at one bank – or leaving all your energy within one crystal. 
I’ve split my heart into a thousand pieces, to be left in a thousand places in a thousand different ways. 

I am here to exist in every color. 

Love,

All of me. 

Declare

imageDeclare your beauty today.

Declare your power and your worth and your light.
Declare the possibility of everything you are in this very moment.
Be bold when you say it – let the seemingly impossible escape from your lips. I dare you.
Let the ember become a roaring flame and the drop of water become a downpour.
If your broken, be broken, and declare yourself whole and complete.
If your angry, be angry, and declare the embodiment of love and compassion.
If your is bank account is empty, let it be empty, and declare your rolling abundance.
Speak up about the life that belongs to you – the one that seems unreachably far.
No matter how difficult, how ridiculous, or how pointless it may seem – say it anyway.
Stop resisting your greatness and
play big!
Love, Z